I Craved the Love of my Father

Heart of God:

One of the things I remember about my childhood is the voice of my mother singing hymns early in the morning, she keeps on singing even when driving us to school. I have never asked her why she was doing that, but her actions then, made me to love hymns and most of the ones I know, I learned from her. That's one of her legacy to me.

For the past few weeks, one of the issues at the forefront of my mind is: what kind of example am I to my kids with respect to the things of God? Is there anything that they will have fond memories of? Not of vacations or holiday trips but something that draws them to God. The issue of generations  is at the heart of God, as he instructed the children of Israel several times, the importance of teaching or telling their children what they have seen God do. Deuteronomy 6:7

"You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up."

So, I encourage us to look for teaching moments with our kids, our friends and neighbors. Recently, I saw a Facebook post that made me smile.

 

Courtesy of Humor from Pentecostal Pew

I think the picture is a subtle way of letting neighbors know what you believe. Personally I don't believe in marking or celebrating Halloween and am trying to teach my kids why by going to the scriptures, but I plan on playing this music all through this week. If you are curious to know the music, click on the link below:

Dance in the Holy Ghost: https://youtu.be/I63xA8Mu1d0 

Testimony:

Am sharing a bit of myself today and have mentioned a little of the impact my mum had on my life, but what I want to share relates to my earthly father. When I was around 8 years old, I lost something of immense value that eventually shaped my life for many years. I was crazy in love with my father and I knew he loved me, but an incidence in my family put a crack in that relationship that never healed until Father's day 2 years ago, when I was finally able to lay it all upon the altar of God. Growing up, I felt betrayed, abandoned and unloved by my father. I was bitter towards him and hated him with everything in me. The relationship was so bad that he put a curse on me then, (but for the grace of God, Jesus nailed those curses to the cross and am free from them, Hallelujah), however many years later on, he physically reversed the curses and prayed for me. The wonder of it was that I came to know my heavenly father and his love for me when the relationship with my earthly father was broken. God, his word and promises sustained me, He also provided me with mentors who I looked upon as fathers.  Despite this, I still had a broken relationship with my father till he passed on about 6 years ago. One of the regrets I had was not making better efforts to fully reconcile with him but like I mentioned earlier, God took away my regrets and bitterness 2 years ago.

Throughout yesterday, as I was praying and meditating on what to write, what testimony to share, I drew blank until around 11pm. That's when I wrote the introduction above but no testimony and I eventually gave up around 2am and decided to go to bed. But God, who always has plans and works everything out made a way as I was about to sleep, my phone beeped, and I got an email from Faithgateway. I read the email and it was about a book written by Lee Stroble . It included an except that has some similarities with my own story.  Here it is:

The Search for Grace: My father and My Father by Lee Stroble from The Case for Grace

[God] waits to be wanted. Too bad that with many of us He waits so long, so very long, in vain. — A. W. Tozer He was leaning back in his leather recliner in the wood-paneled den, his eyes darting back and forth between the television set and me, as if he didn’t deign to devote his full attention to our confrontation. In staccato bursts, he would lecture and scold and shout, but his eyes never met mine. It was the evening before my high school graduation, and my dad had caught me lying to him — big-time. Finally, he snapped his chair forward and shifted to look fully into my face, his eyes angry slits behind his glasses. He held up his left hand, waving his pinky like a taunt as he pounded each and every word: “I don’t have enough love for you to fill my little finger.” He paused as the words smoldered. He was probably expecting me to fight back, to defend myself, to blubber or apologize or give in — at least to react in some way. But all I could do was to glare at him, my face flushed. Then after a few tense moments he sighed deeply, reclined again in his chair, and resumed watching TV. That’s when I turned my back on my father and strode toward the door. I didn’t need him. I was brash, I was driven and ambitious — I would slice my way through the world without his help. After all, I was about to make almost a hundred dollars a week at a summer job as a reporter for a rural newspaper in Woodstock, Illinois, and live on my own at a boarding house. A plan formulated in my mind as I slammed the back door and began the trek toward the train station, lugging the duffel bag I had hurriedly packed. I would ask the newspaper to keep me on after the summer. Lots of reporters have succeeded without college, so why not me? Soon I’d make a name for myself. I’d impress the editors at the Chicago papers and eventually break into the big city. I’d ask my girlfriend to move in with me. I was determined to make it on my own — and never to go back home. Someday, there would be payback. The day would come when my father would unfold the Chicago Tribune and his eye would catch my byline on a front-page exclusive. That would show him. I was on a mission — and it was fueled by rage. But what I didn’t realize as I marched down the gravel shoulder of the highway on that sultry June evening was that I was actually launching a far different quest than what I had supposed. It was a journey that I couldn’t understand back then — and which would one day reshape my life in ways I never could have imagined. That day I embarked on a lifelong pursuit of grace Grace Withheld, Grace Extended See to it that no one misses the grace of God. — Hebrews 12:15 Ü I always wondered: Would I cry when my father died? After the confrontation in which my dad declared he didn’t have enough love for me to fill his little finger, I stormed out of the house, determined never to return. I lived for two months in a small apartment nearly forty miles away as I worked as a reporter for a small daily newspaper. The publisher agreed to hire me beyond the summer. My future seemed set. I never heard from my father, but my mother kept urging me to return. She would call and write to tell me my dad certainly couldn’t have meant what he said. Finally, I did come home briefly, but my father and I never discussed the incident that prompted me to leave. I never broached it, and neither did he. We maintained a civil but distant relationship through the years. He paid for my college tuition, for which I never thanked him. He never wrote, visited, or came to my graduation. When I got married after my sophomore year at the University of Missouri, my parents hosted the reception, but my dad and I never had a heart-to-heart talk. Fresh from Missouri’s journalism school, I was hired as a general assignment reporter at the Chicago Tribune, later developing an interest in law. I took a leave of absence to study at Yale Law School, planning to return to the Tribune as legal editor. A few days before my graduation, I settled into a cubicle in the law school’s gothic library and unfolded the New York Times for a leisurely morning of reading. I was already prepared for my final exams and was getting excited about returning to Chicago. Then my friend Howard appeared. I folded the newspaper and greeted him; he stared at me as if he had something urgent to say but couldn’t find the right words. “What’s wrong?” I asked. He didn’t answer, but somehow I knew. “My father died, right?” He nodded, then led me to the privacy of a small alcove, where I sobbed inconsolably.

Read more here:

Prayer for Today:

Thank you Almighty father for loving us. We thank you for your grace poured out upon our lives. We ask that in your mercies you heal our broken hearts, help us to know how deep, how wide your love is. Help us to be good examples to those around us. May people see the love of Christ in us and may we continue to have fellowship with you Amen.



The Prayer that Never Fails

Abandoning Lifeboats:

A threat that sailors face on the sea is that of storms, hurricanes or typhoon depending on which part of the world they are, and it is expected that when faced with dire situations such as a sinking ship, to put on life vests, radio for help and get on the lifeboats. Will it not be considered foolish and suicidal for a sailor to choose to stay on the sinking ship and let the lifeboat sail off without him?

In early July, a member of my church family shared an insight from the book of Acts 27, in which Paul as a prisoner was being taken to Rome to stand trial before Caesar, while on their way, they encountered wayward winds that blew their ship in the opposite direction of Rome and a Northeaster that trapped them on the seas for several days. The core of the insight was based on verse 31-32:

.....“Unless these men stay with the ship, you cannot be saved.”  So the soldiers cut the ropes that held the lifeboat and let it drift away.

In order to be saved, they had to abandon the lifeboat, talk about God confounding the wise with the foolish things of the world! What represents our lifeboat in the middle of our storms, is it the alternative solution we try to work out on our, the backup plans in case things did not work out or do we believe God only helps does who help themselves? Whatever steps we take in the middle of storms, let it be according to God's direction, we must never be in a hurry to be out of the storm but be patient for God to do his work. Let's ever be willing to pray the prayer that never fails 'Lord, let your will be done in my life'.

I heard a joke recently and I will like to share it.

A man was trying to outsmart God, so he said " God is it true that for you a thousand days is like a second?",  God said " Yeah, that's true." The man further asked "is it true that for you a thousand dollars is like a penny?", God said " I guess that is true." The man then asked " God can you give me a penny?" and God replied " okay, give me a second".


Testimony:

Obedience is Better

                                                                                                                                 By: Dorene Zuege

GOD IS AWESOME!   

I had a lousy sleep last night.  I was awake most of the night.  So of course, I didn't want to get out of bed this morning to go to church.  Besides, there was just going to be a missionary lady speaking there, and ‘If you've heard one, you've heard them all’.  But the LORD wouldn't let me go back to sleep after I had just finally gone to sleep, but was awakened by the light coming into my bedroom windows.  It was time to get up and I WASN'T budging! 

I felt totally exhausted.  I had already made plans the day before to pick up my grand-kids by 9:25 for church.  But my body could care less!  There'd be plenty of other Sundays to take them to church. 

Around 9:05 I heard the LORD say, "Just why don't you want to obey?"  (Because I had heard HIM earlier when I had woke up that HE wanted me in church today). 

Well, try as I might, the LORD was not taking my excuses as valid.  He had even said "My grace is sufficient for you."  But when He got down to the nitty gritty of it being an act of OBEDIENCE or DISOBEDIENCE … I knew I HAD TO OBEY.  Especially when I heard "Obedience is better than sacrifice."  ‘Cause I had been reasoning that I could worship the LORD just as well at home. 

So, I got up, phoned my daughter in hopes that the grandkids WOULDN'T want to go to church this morning, and to my dismay, they WANTED TO GO!  Oh well!  My last possible excuse was just pulled out from under me!  So I flew and got me and the kids to church just in time.

As I expected, everything went just like I thought it would, other than that pastor had picked out songs all about how willing I am to follow JESUS!  CONVICTION! 

Service was now over and I was visiting with several ladies when all of a sudden Pastor Gordy grabs me by the arm to get my attention and tells me he needs me to come and pray with him and his wife for a lady who had just gotten out of the hospital.  “Only half of her heart is working.” 

So off I go and I ask the lady if I can lay my hand on her chest and she consents.  We began praying and I feel the anointing and was amazed at the words of authority coming out of my mouth!  And also the difference of how I was praying and the way the pastor and his wife were praying!  And then I heard them start to agree with me in how I was praying and commanding the spirit of death to leave that woman and commanded resurrection power to come into her heart and to go through every cell in her body.  RESURRECTION LIFE!

It wasn't until I was almost home that I realized WHY the Lord was so ADAMANT about my getting out of bed and getting to church.  It wasn't to hear the missionary.  It wasn't to get my grand-kids to church.  It was to be where HE needed me to be WHEN HE wanted to use me. 

I had been praying and asking the LORD "Why did you have us move here?  What am I supposed to be doing in this area?  LORD, I WANT YOU TO USE ME, BUT HOW? WHERE? 

You know, we can be so dense at times.  Thank GOD that HE knows our makeup and our weaknesses and also how the enemy was doing everything to try and keep me from being where GOD wanted me to be.  My spirit is WILLING, but my FLESH is weak.  And the two war against each other.  I thank GOD that HE allows me to HEAR HIS VOICE! Though not audibly, it's still very powerful when HE needs it to be.

Invitation:

If ever there is a need for the world to know more about God, to know his power and majesty, it is now. So much confusion and chaos around us and the world needs a place of refuge and peace that passes all understanding. I invite you to seize moments that come your way to share God's love and provision of salvation. One way to do that is by sharing a testimony or story of what God has done in your life. You can also send your stories in to my email: itestifytoyou@gmail.com. May we be ever ready to do what God requires of us. Amen

Have a blessed week.
(Testimony from: www. precious-promises.com)

Treasures and Wisdom Call

Treasures and Riches:

"I will go before thee, and make the rough places smooth; I will break in pieces the doors of brass, and cut in sunder the bars of iron;

and I will give thee the treasures of darkness, and hidden riches of secret places, that thou mayest know that it is I, Jehovah, who call thee by thy name, even the God of Israel."  Isaiah 45:2-3 ASV

 

The first time I saw the above scripture, it set me wondering what it could mean and I decided it must have a literal meaning. A few years later, I assigned a different meaning to it, I felt it was talking about God revealing some secrets that will make one prosperous. That held true until recently when during a walking through process in my life, I saw what it could also mean. What are the treasures of darkness or hidden riches of secret places? To me, the darkness represents the times of problems, difficulty or challenges in my life. The time when am desperately seeking for a way out and looking to Jesus to help me find my way. Generally one tends to fear or dislike the dark, but we should also remember some things about the dark.

"And the earth was waste and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep: and the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters." Genesis 1:2 ASV

The earth was created from darkness, precious stones and minerals are formed in the deep dark places of the earth, plants and fruits spend time deep in the dark soil as a seed before it grows, babies spend 9 months in the deep dark womb of mothers before being brought forth.

So the treasures I found in the darkness are:

• A new level of intimacy with God  brought about by increased prayers, study of the word and fasting.
• The darkness recreates, remolds, realigns my life to fit God's plan and purposes because I have strayed away.
• My thoughts and attitude is renewed by the Spirit.
• A new beginning, a fresh start and being divinely located in the center of God's will.
• Greater love for God and great joy when I feel his constant presence with me in the dark.
• The darkness brings new life perspective on what is most important.
• The peace of God that passes understanding which makes me resolute that everything is working out for my good.

The hidden riches of secret places can be found in Psalm 91, a read through will open your eyes to see the benefit of dwelling or abiding in the secret place of the most high.

Am thankful to God for his unfailing mercies and his love towards me, so I celebrate Him with the song below:

Nathaniel Bassey feat. Enitan Adaba - Imela (Thank You)

Emiah’s Testimony: A Call to Rebuild

I spent some time debating for a while on whether or not I wanted to share my story/testimony and in what way I wanted to, but after being in prayer I realized that this was something that I needed to do for myself, but also to help others that may have dealt or are dealing with similar situations. I want to share my issues with acceptance, the learning process to loving myself, and how the Lord’s pressing upon my heart forever changed me.
At a young age I had come to know God and had been in the church all my life. I was focused on doing what was right according to the Lord, but as I got older things began to change within me. I found myself trying to be considered cool in the eyes of my peers. When things didn’t go as planned I allowed my emotions and of not being accepted and my heart to lead me rather than allowing the spirit of God to show me the way in which I should go (“The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked. Who can know it?” – Jeremiah 17:9). I was living for my flesh!
I changed my ways and started living in the world and living for the approval of those around me instead of staying true to who I was and had always been. I have now come full circle and have rededicated my life to Christ. Throughout my four years of college, little by little I distanced myself from the activities that had me bound and were not pleasing to God. I made a choice to stand alone if I had to because the end result is to be with the Lord one day and living the way that I was, I was headed straight for destruction. This is a glimpse into my story. Thank the Lord for his deliverance!

In high school I was your typical girl with a bit of a flare. I was considered pretty, got good grades, and was also a top athlete. I was known for these things and became somewhat popular for my particular traits. After a while though, things started to change. People began to notice that I was a bit different and wasn’t really into the things that everyone else was interested in. I was the good girl. The Christian girl that didn’t believe in drinking or smoking or having sex before marriage or being promiscuous.
I would tell people that they didn’t have to or need to do certain things and was known for speaking my mind about what God did and didn’t want us doing. People caught on and it was thought that I thought I was better than everyone else; That I was the person that ruined the fun and I eventually stopped being invited to certain things because people wanted to do these things in peace. At my age not being accepted was hurtful to me. In 2012 I graduated and decided that I had had enough of not being accepted by those around me. I was determined to make sure that college was different.
In the summer of 2012 I was headed to college to get my education and live out my dream of playing division one college basketball. I began making friends and two people in particular my teammates weren’t too fond of for reasons that showed just how young minded we were back then. Because of this and the fact that the girls on the team were well known they began spreading rumors and people around campus began to ignore me. They were determined to make sure that I had no one and that my experience was the worst possible. I soon found myself alone in my apartment and often times in my room. Things were so bad at times that the physicality in practices was excessive. After six months I had enough and decided to transfer.

Upon my transfer I ended up at what is now my alma mater. Determined to fit in with my teammates and those around me I began to go out to clubs and bars and would socially drink (not to ever get drunk, but enough to not be bothered for not drinking). I never really enjoyed my time at clubs expressing that it was really just an opportunity to dress up, but it wasn’t ever something I just wanted to do. Often times I would get to the club and want to go right back home. This just wasn’t my idea of fun, but it was college, it’s “what we do.”
Toward the middle of my junior year it was getting to be too much for me. Going out wasn’t fun and I wasn’t wanting to drink. During those times I would be called “lame” or “boring” for choosing to stay home or going out but deciding not to drink anything.
I later came to the conclusion that this was not what I wanted to do, so I stopped going out and drinking and lost a few friends along the way. I took a stand for myself and grew a thicker skin because I wasn’t going to compromise myself for something that I felt I shouldn’t be doing in the first place. I remember a time when I was younger when my older brother expressed wanting to go to a party and my dad responded to him.

“What is good about going there? What if God decided to come back and that’s where you are, drinking and partying?”

This didn’t sit well with me. I too began to remember the truth that the spirit of God dwells within the children of God. What do I look like bringing God to the club with me knowing he doesn’t want to be there?! Or drinking mixes of alcohol intoxicating my body and he’s living in there? People may think that this is farfetched or extreme, but if you understand the word and desire a relationship with God, it’s not hard to believe.
I too was in a relationship in my last two years of college and we met during the time when I was still going out to parties every now and then. Everything seemed to work out so well. I was finally getting what I wanted. But things began to change when I was staying in my apartment more and no longer going out. Our situation transformed even more when he got drafted to play in the NFL. I was subjected to some of the worst experiences of my life and became the girl I detested ever becoming… “the girl that stayed.” These instances happened numerous times throughout the relationship. Instead of loving myself I let too much go and tried everything that I could to make things work. This left me broken and insecure and thinking that no matter what I did it would never be enough for him to do right (still trying to be accepted, smh).

Upon graduation I even moved to see if that would help the relationship (yes dumb, I know!), but something in my gut from the very beginning was telling me that I was doing the wrong thing. Everything was okay for some time, but I still never felt great about being there. After two months I began getting strong convictions about what it was I was doing. I began to reflect upon what God does and doesn’t approve of.
I was coming to understand that I was in a relationship that God wasn’t involved in and that he never wanted me to be involved in either. I remember times praying to God that he would come into the relationship and fill it with Him and make things better. What I hadn’t come to realize was that you cannot ask God to come into something that he didn’t ordain to happen in the first place. It wasn’t going to get better because it wasn’t meant to be to begin with. I started to return to my high school ways, voicing my opinions on what I would and wouldn’t do and my ideas on what was right and wrong. I would be called “lame” for not wanting to do certain things and comments were made about me not being who I claimed to be when he met me.
This hurt me, but what I didn’t get at the time was that I had changed. I really wasn’t the girl he knew and had come to love anymore. The girl he loved was a girl that was trying to be accepted and was a false representation of myself. Soon our differences became too blatantly obvious and my convictions too loud to be ignored. I began to resent him for the person I knew he always was and wasn’t going to change from being (partying, drinking, secretly smoking, etc.) and after all that I had been put through emotionally, love wasn’t enough to fix things anymore. I couldn’t deal with the pain of feeling unloved by someone who claimed to love me anymore and be treated in ways that I didn’t deserve.

I also, and more importantly, couldn’t serve God the way that I wanted to and try to please my ex at the same time. It doesn’t work that way (Matthew 6:24). The Lord’s callings began to fill me so heavily that I had to express to my ex what God had placed on my heart. I wanted to return home, so badly that I experienced panic attacks because I didn’t want to stay out of the will of God any longer. I explained to him that I had decided to return home and that this was not the way the Lord intended for me to live (living together outside of marriage, giving myself away physically and emotionally, etc.). I expressed the changes I wanted to make to follow God and he in return expressed that he did not want to follow suit. That revelation was enough for me.
I went back home, with the relationship hanging on by the thinnest thread, and I began to pray hard about what it was I should do. I honestly knew what needed to be done, but I did not know how to go about doing it. I continued to pray and hope that whatever the answer was that it would be undeniably clear. No sooner than I said my prayer the answer was right in front of me and everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, started coming to the light. It was absolutely crazy to me! Although it hurt, I received the answers I needed and I immediately ended the relationship.
I was then given time to reflect on what brought me to such a low point in my life. When I narrowed things down it all pointed back to high school. I gathered that I subconsciously made up in my mind that I was going to follow the crowd as a way to gain acceptance instead of being the young Christian lady that I was becoming and was birthed to be. I let go of what was right all to live in the world to find fulfillment that I thought everyone living that way was experiencing. What it did was leave me even more empty and searching to find the version of me that I had lost trying to be someone that God never intended for me to be.

For a long time, I found myself so mad at myself for stepping outside of God’s will and doing things my own way to find a false sense of happiness and acceptance. I had to first realize that when I prayed and asked for forgiveness and committed to never going back to the way I was, that the Lord truly forgave me of my sins. I too had to understand that if the Lord could forgive me that I too could forgive myself for all the hurt that I allowed myself to endure and for leaving His side.
I too realize that I was fine the way I was and am fine the way that I am. I will not allow myself to feel bad for serving the Lord or living the type of life I want to live. What’s funny is I wasn’t fully accepted in high school, I wasn’t fully accepted living in sin and I may not be accepted for living for Christ now and that’s okay! I always knew who i wanted to serve and it took me some time to get there, but thank the Lord that I am here.
No, I don’t have it all figured out and yes I am still a huge work in progress, but I am not where I used to be. What I do know is that the Lord blessed me. By taking me out of a number of situations that were leading me downhill fast I can now experience the fullness of God, a fullness that I would have never received living in the world the way that I was. He convicted me to change and allowed me the opportunity to do so and I am blessed to have come out of a life of sin with a bright future ahead of me (and also before it was too late!). I do not know what he has planned for me yet, my story is still being written, but what I can tell you is that it will be way better than what I tried to do myself! His love for me has forever shaped me and because he loved me I can never go back to the things that he blessed me to come out of. I cannot thank the Lord enough for what he has done, but what I can do is share with others what he has done for me and lovingly serve Him forever!

Emiah's Testimony was shared on www.testimonyshare.com

See the Big Picture

The big picture:
I knelt down with a heart  heavy and overwhelmed with sorrow, am torn into two, needing to ask my father for strength and yet wishing to escape. In the my years of preparation, I never thought it will be like this, the thought of what is ahead , the pain and agony and being human, wished I can be spared. I groaned out in a language no one but the only One can understand, tears streaming down my face, skin tight and hot dripping with sweat of unusual color.

I can see the bigger picture, but the now picture fills me with dread and I prayed "My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done", but the cup did not pass and the reality was much more than I ever imagined or thought about. Feeling so alone despite the massive crowd around me, I strained to hear His still small voice within me but I can only hear silence. Desperate, I looked for those who usually bear me up so that I don't strike my foot against a stone but they were no where to be found. Utterly overwhelmed, I cried out 'my God, my God, why have you forsaken me!"

The above narration cannot effectively describe what Jesus went through in order to redeem us back to God, but Jesus for the joy set before him endured the cross. Have you ever felt disappointed, abandoned, unloved, and alone? Have you felt like you were shut off in a cage with no escape route or that no one cares? Did you ask yourself ' how can God's plan for me be good, when am passing through so much?'. Why is God hiding his face from me? I think God hides his face because He cannot bear to see us in so much pain but He knows that for the sake of the big picture we have to go through. So,  I encourage you to view your situation with joy. Be joyful because you see the big picture and see the One who is bigger than the big picture.

"In all their suffering he also suffered, and he personally rescued them. In his love and mercy he redeemed them. He lifted them up and carried them through all the years". Isaiah 63:9 NLT

Testimony:

A Hope and a Future
                                                                                                                        by: Riley Banks-Snyder

A few weeks after my MRKH diagnosis, I got up the nerve to tell my friend Kassadee what was going on. I’d been isolating and withdrawing long enough, and I decided it was time to open up. After all, if anybody could help me figure out how to move forward with this thing, my best friend ranked at the top of the list.
Kassadee and I have been close since we were in elementary school. We were both in the same smallish school district growing up, where we connected over a shared love for the same kinds of books. We would swap recommendations and imagine ourselves as our favorite characters together, convinced we were just like them. It was the perfect friendship glue for two avid readers, and our book conversations are still part of what keeps us so close.
Over the years, Kassadee and I have gotten to know pretty much everything there is for two young women to know about each other. We don’t hold back on sharing details, even when they’re tough. In many ways, Kassadee has modeled that for me. Her mom has a rare disease of unknown cause that includes chronic pain. It’s a hard, ongoing struggle that affects their whole family. While I wish that the reality for Kassadee and her family was different, at the same time, I have been privileged to watch them all deal with the harsh realities of chronic illness with grace. I have seen the strength of their faith put on display as they trust God in the midst of questions and suffering. That was already inspiring to me, long before my MRKH made it something I could relate to personally.
So, as I looked ahead to a conversation with my best friend, I knew already that she’d have helpful things to say. I expected that her perspective would probably shed some light on things. And I hoped that she’d help me get to a point where I could trust God firmly again rather than spiritually swinging in the wind.
On the day of our meeting, I got to the coffee shop a little early, with time enough to claim a quiet booth in the corner. Kassadee arrived a few minutes after me. After ordering our drinks, we sat down, took one sip each, and looked at each other. For a few seconds, we both waited. Then I took a deep breath and the telling began.

I took a page out of my mom’s playbook and said the hardest thing first. “My doctors found out that I have this disease called MRKH, and it means I can’t ever have kids.” Kassadee’s initial nonverbal response was so kind and concerned that it opened the floodgates. For the next two hours, we talked about everything.
Well, at first mostly I talked and Kassadee listened. I explained how one doctor’s appointment kept leading to another and another until my diagnosis was in. Then she listened some more while I started processing things out loud, going into detail about how confused, lost, and frustrated I was.
“I just don’t understand why God would let this happen to me,” I told her. “You know how much I love kids, and I know I’d be a good mom, so why this? I see teenagers getting pregnant before they’re married, but I’m trying to obey God’s plan and I end up never being able to have kids? What did I do wrong? I mean, after all the ways I’ve tried to follow God and serve him, do I really deserve this?”
Kassadee listened patiently. I released a big sigh and continued, telling her I’d been digging into God’s Word almost insatiably, looking for an answer or some solace or a little help or just something. I told her I was spending hours in prayer and had filled pages and pages in my journal. I told her it didn’t seem like it was helping.
“I know hard things happen to everybody,” I said. “And I get that being a Christian doesn’t mean life will be easy. The thing is—I guess I just really, really don’t understand.”
With that I stopped talking.
Kassadee took a couple of sips of her hot chocolate, letting everything sink in. Then she put down her mug and leaned toward me over the table.
“Riley,” she said, “those thoughts and questions make perfect sense. I can see why you would be thinking all of that.” (I told you Kassadee knew how to be a good friend.)
For the next few minutes, Kassadee recounted some of the ways that she and her family had interrogated God over the years, wanting answers different from the ones they were getting. She acknowledged how hard it is to handle disappointment, especially when there is no reason to expect it will go away. And she told me she wanted to be an encouragement and support to me, however I need her to be.
“You know, Riley, I just keep thinking about Jeremiah 29:11: ‘For I know the plans I have for you . . . plans to prosper you and
not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’ I keep thinking that when you were thirteen, you went all the way to the other side of the world and fell in love. God brought you to a place where there are so many orphans—so many kids without moms—and now here you are, not able to have children of your own.”
She stopped for a few seconds, as if she wasn’t sure whether she should continue. She bit her bottom lip for a moment, then shrugged slightly. “Maybe all this is happening because God is telling you something about your future. Maybe he called you to Kenya because it’s an opportunity to care for more kids than you could ever have yourself.”
There in the coffee shop, in the moment when she brought up the orphans and Kenya, it was just a whiff of an idea to me. Everything else from our conversation still felt too raw, and I was nowhere near ready to digest a new perspective. But in the days and weeks that followed, I kept hearing Kassadee’s words over and over in my head, and I started to experience them like a long, low rumble—like a quake going right down the center of me. And for the first time in a while, I started to think about the future.
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Taken from Riley Unlikely: With Simple Childlike Faith, Amazing Things Can Happen. Learn more at Zondervan.com.

{The excerpt is a free content published by Zondervan press.}