My Secret life

'Shh'  It's a secret!. There is an innate desire within us to know some secrets, they titillate our senses and  appeal to us in different ways. Secrets are two edged, some we want to keep hidden and others we desire to know because of some benefit to us. In the early 90's, I had the grace to experience the two types earlier mentioned.

By His grace and mercies, I gave my life to God at a young age and was involved in Christian service  in different ways and capacities. By 1994, I viewed myself  a matured Christian, but God took me on an unexpected journey that rocked my world and faith in God. This journey started in March, 1994 when one night, I had a dream in which someone announced the death of a friend to me, this announcement terrified me as I was extremely close to this person. I woke up immediately, trembling and began praying, rebuking death and asking for God's mercy, as at that point I knew God speaks to me through dreams. After praying for a while, I felt God has answered me because the story of how Abraham interceded for Lot and how he was spared from the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah came to mind.

Let me tell you about my friend. We were childhood friends who lived across the road from each other, we played, studied together and kept each other confidences growing up. He, 'yes a he' grew to be an amazing young man, quite tall and good looking, he loved playing the trumpet and was active in his church choir. We were so close, family members  tease us that we were befriending each other, but it was a very innocent relationship until we both finished our Secondary education and I was about entering University(College) when he then asked me to be his girlfriend. I was quite happy as I had grown to love him  but I asked him to give me sometime to think on it. It was in this waiting period, I had that dream and began looking for him so that we could pray together, but he was away at school and each time he was home, I was not available till a few days to Easter when my world turned upside down.

He accompanied a friend and his brother to another State,  this brother was traveling out to the United States from Lagos International Airport. Close to the end of their trip, their car crashed and my friend was the one with the most severe injury, his spinal cord was broken and also suffered some internal injuries.  He eventually passed away. When the news was broken to me, I was so devastated and grief overwhelmed me that I could not sleep nor eat, the question that tormented my mind was "Why? God !", I felt betrayed by God and could not understand why the dream I had prayed about and interceded on still came to pass. For many weeks I sought for answers but none was forthcoming and thus began the process of my drifting away from God, it was not a conscious decision but I, was not able to connect with God because of my bitterness towards him. Outwardly, all seemed alright as I was still participating in church activities, it all became religion for me ,no longer a relationship with God.

My secret life started in 1995, when a fellow room mate cajoled me to start a relationship with the friend of her boyfriend. She was not a Christian and was one of the party girls well known on the  Campus while I was a backsliding Christian who was ready to explore the world. Despite this,  I was not ready to totally abandon my Christian faith so meetings with my boyfriend was usually under cover of darkness on none fellowship days. The relationship grew up to the point in which I was comfortable to pay him visits at his home off campus. For a few months, there was no sexual pressure as I had informed him I was keeping my purity for marriage but he eventually began to mount pressure little by little, weakening my defenses. During this period, God placed a missionary in my life from Great Commission Movement of Nigeria (GCMN) a.k.a Campus Crusade for Christ, she visits the hostels sharing the gospel. Hence, the battle for my soul began as each time she meets with me she says " am praying for you ". She did not know what I was doing in secret but God knew and placed her in my life. The voice of my conscience (Holy Spirit) became loud , though I felt so much confused and weary of the deceptive life I was living, 'I DID NOTHING.'

One day, on a beautiful Sunday afternoon, I decided to go visit my boyfriend, on getting there, he asked me to cook a meal for him which I did. After cooking the meal, he tricked me into going into his bedroom, followed me and attempted to force me to bed. I became scared and struggled to escape, though I was silent in my struggles to escape, my mind was screaming 'Jesus save me'. All of a sudden, I became free, ran out of the room, got my bag and ran out of the house. It was my breaking point and God used that incident to give me courage to dissolve the relationship. My heart was broken {in respect of the fact that I was disappointed in myself, my defenses crumbled and I cried out to God to save me anew. The following Tuesday or so, Aunty Y came visiting and I was able to open my heart to God fully. I rededicated my life to God and became involved with the student ministry of GCMN.

My question as to why my friend died was not answered, but God filled my heart with peace and acceptance that God still loves me, He answers prayers and has good plans for me. That no matter the troubles I face, He is right beside me and that good can come out of sorrow. A lot of changes took place in my friends family which am not at liberty to disclose, but something good came about for me as I got to experience God in a greater dimension and have a better understanding of who He is. About a year later, the room mate that led me down the slippery hill, gave her life to Christ, it might have been as a result of the turnaround in my life or not, I don't know but Good did came about.



Am sharing this testimony in memory of my good friend Tunde Balogun and what God used his death to accomplish in my life. I leave you with the lyrics of one of favorite hymns below:

 God sent His son, they called Him, Jesus;
He came to love, heal and forgive;
He lived and died to buy my pardon,
An empty grave is there to prove my Savior lives!

Chorus
Because He lives, I can face tomorrow,
Because He lives, all fear is gone;
Because I know He holds the future,
And life is worth the living,
Just because He lives!

How sweet to hold a newborn baby,
And feel the pride and joy he brings;
But greater still the calm assurance:
This child can face uncertain days because He Lives!

Chorus
Because He lives, I can face tomorrow,
Because He lives, all fear is gone;
Because I know He holds the future,
And life is worth the living,
Just because He lives!

And then one day, I'll cross the river,
I'll fight life's final war with pain;
And then, as death gives way to victory,
I'll see the lights of glory and I'll know He lives!

Chorus
Because He lives, I can face tomorrow,
Because He lives, all fear is gone;
Because I know He holds the future,
And life is worth the living,
Just because He lives!

 

Redemption

On April 8, 2014, I received a most amazing call, it was a call that deepened my understanding and awe of God’s redemption, of God’s faithfulness and God’s goodness.

On April 7,1969, my first wife, Lynn, (Lynn went home to Jesus in 2007) gave birth to our son who was conceived out of wedlock. We were just teenagers, I was ready to go off to college and Lynn about to enter her senior year in high school, when we learned that Lynn was pregnant.

Photo via Pixabay

When she began to show,  she went to live with her aunt in Pittsfield, MA. After she gave birth, the child, who we named David, was given up for adoption, the records were sealed and we never knew where he was.  Lynn and I were married in 1972 and we had nine other children. Through the years we always thought of David and after becoming believers in1979, we faithfully prayed for him, asking God to make him a man after God’s heart.
In a journal that I kept after Lynn died, I wrote in a first person style to Lynn, “I wonder what God has in mind for??"  I wrote '??' because we never told our other children that they had another brother.
                                                                        

So, on April 7, 2014, on David’s 45th birthday, I prayed for him, as I always did, and did not have a clue of what was about to happen. The next day I received a call from a cousin , who is the manager of a family business and said that " there is someone here who says that you are his father", I replied "really?,  put him on". A man spoke and said hello, my name is Jeff Purner and I have a birth certificate that says Lynn Smith was my mother. I replied, yes that is correct and went on to say that yesterday was your birthday and as I have done through the years I prayed for you. Jeff then explained that, that morning he got up and was praying (when he said that, I began to cry with tears of gratitude to the Lord because I knew God answered my prayer that David would be a man after God) and the Lord spoke to him to get his birth certificate from his desk where it had sat for one year.

The back story is that in 2013, Jeff had received a letter from the state of MA informing him that he could get a copy of his birth certificate (a law had changed to allow that). He received it and tried to locate his mom but with no success. So it sat on his desk for 1 year until that morning of April 8, 2014 when he had the prompting to re-try locating his birth mother. He sat down with his computer and within 15 minutes he found his mother’s obituary, saw that her married name was Deeb and saw that he potentially had 9 siblings. At that point he did not know if Alfred Deeb (me) was his dad.  Jeff’s adopted dad (his adopted mom and dad had both passed away) had told him he was half Lebanese (I am 100% Lebanese) and with that information  researched the name and found it was a Lebanese name. Jeff then asked himself, is it possible that my birth mom and dad actually married?


 After that, Jeff researched further and found a picture that had been recently posted on Facebook of my seven other sons and as he gazed at the picture he knew that he found his family. Full of excitement at his discovery, he drove from his home in Glens Falls to my home in Wynantskill. He knocked but nobody was home. Jeff then pondered his options and went online where  he discovered that there was a family business nearby and drove there. It was at that point when a cousin put him in touch with me. We talked, cried and made plans to meet the next day.  Meanwhile, I had to call my nine other children to inform them that they had another brother. Each of them were shocked but were excited to meet him. Well, the next day we met and talked and talked and talked…. I learned that Jeff had grown up in Latham and was married with three children. Overnight, I went from having six grandchildren to nine grandchildren. That Sunday,  the family gathered for dinner, it was quite a circle. The following Sunday, we had the joy of witnessing Jeff, Nicole, Adair, Hunter and Lily Purner be baptized at their church in Glens Falls.

As I have pondered about our story, I have realized that God delights in writing chapters that we did not anticipate or felt would ever be written. God is about redemption and restoration. In my family I have seen other instances of redemption: my father was in med school and dropped out, I had wanted to go to med school but lost my focus and now one of my sons is about to graduate from medical school. What was lost in two generations has been restored. There is yet another seemingly lost blessing that God wanted to bring in my father’s generation that I am believing will be restored in my generation. But that is a chapter that has not been written yet and hope to tell in the near future.

My thoughts :

I find it amazing that Jeff had lived his whole life so close to his natural father without knowing it. It's a blessing that this family can visit each other as much as they like. God is in the business of restoration, either restoring all we have lost in time past or restoring us to himself. If you have wandered away from God, I encourage to trace your way back to Him and He will welcome you with hands wide open. God loves you and wants to shower you with His love. No matter how far you have gone, God is near you, only take a step of faith.

Have a great week!

P.S: If I know your name, you might find me knocking at your door on Facebook, hope you will open that door for me to connect with you and your friends. Thanks

 

 



God heard Me!

God Heard Me!

The Lord Almighty has been so wonderful to me. He blessed me greatly with all manners of blessings including the fruit of the womb. Sometimes in July 2013, when my pregnancy was almost 6 weeks old, I went to work in the morning without any pain or premonition of what laid ahead of me.  While at work, I decided to use the convenience and made a startling discovery that I was bleeding while cleaning up.   Being a novice, I rushed to my computer system to browse the internet in order to understand the plight that has befallen me - bleeding in pregnancy.  On discovering that I was having a miscarriage, I rushed to the hospital and was given an injection to stop the bleeding. Thereafter, I went home praying that the bleeding will stop, but unfortunately I lost the pregnancy.  The miscarriage made me heartbroken and on the following day, a D and C section was carried out in order to clean up my womb. My Gynecologist advised me to wait for two months before attempting another pregnancy and I did so.




In October 2013, God smiled on me and blessed me with another pregnancy and was determined to do my best to sustain the pregnancy. In this vein, I embarked on a planned vacation to enable me rest from the hustle and bustle of work.  Unfortunately, all my precautions failed.   In the first week of November, I took a birth after preparing dinner for my husband and to my greatest surprise saw blood again and my heart was gripped with fear.  My husband called the hospital to inform them I was coming in, proceeded to rush me to there and was placed on admission at my insistence. The reality of losing another pregnancy dawned on me and was inconsolable as I bled all through the night.  Another D and C procedure was performed on me but after the procedure, the doctor checked and observed that my womb was not properly evacuated.  He had to take me through another trauma (the same day) and injected me with sedatives which made me feel helpless and confused, as I lost touch with reality and was in another world. I could only hear noises around me for a long while.  I was thereafter placed on some medication to help me recuperate and heal well.

To the glory of God, I got pregnant the third time in December, 2013 and this time around, I was able to carry the pregnancy to full term. During the first trimester, a scan was carried out and was told that I was carrying twins – my joy knew no bounds. However, I became ill (still at the first trimester) that I could not eat without taking Maxolon, and was eventually placed on admission for a while. Days after discharge from the hospital, I went for my usual antenatal appointment and another scan was carried out and the doctor saw that one of the twins was no longer virile – stopped growing (dead). I became so sad because the news was unexpected and disheartening.I made an appointment with another doctor (in a new hospital), who told me that they cannot perform a D and C since the second fetus is still alive. Furthermore, they were scared that the dead fetus might contaminate the other one, yet they could not do anything about it. He said I should pray for God’s intervention – which is the only solution. To the glory of God, on my next antenatal appointment, the dead twin had disappeared without me bleeding or feeling any discomfort.

When the fetus was about 38 weeks, the nurses affirmed that the baby was well positioned for a perfect delivery but never knew the devil was still having plans.  At 40 weeks, contractions came heavily but disappeared. In order to bring on labor, I engaged in serious exercise such as climbing stairs from the ground floor to the 20th floor. Though my baby was eager to come out, there was a holding back.  At 41 weeks, 4 days, I was finally scheduled for induction but I can never forget what happened that day.  Upon arrival at the hospital, the doctor checked me and said I was only 1cm dilated and therefore gave me some tablets (which I was instructed to allow to dissolve in my mouth) to soften my cervix prior to the induction.  During this period, the baby’s heart beat went down that the doctors had to rush in to examine me and I was informed that my baby was getting tired.

After 7 hours, dilation was still 1cm – no change.  Another female doctor came in and told me that they did not know what was going on in my womb but to save mother and child, they will have to perform a C Section.  Barely 15 minutes after administration of epidural, my baby was born. I was told that she had umbilical cord tied round her neck thrice.  OLUWATETISIMI (means God heard my prayer) is indeed a MIRACLE, the God of Elijah who answers by fire is still on the throne.  I can never thank Jesus enough for appearing on my behalf to give me victory.  He has been so faithful. Thank you Jesus for seeing me through.

The above testimony was shared by K. A-A (Initials)

Her sharing her story was a testimony for me. After last weeks blog post, I had no material to work with for this week.  So, I turned to God and prayed that someone whose story He wants to use for His glory should send in their testimony and behold God answered me. Is God not amazing! He orders our lives and footsteps to the Glory of His name. Hallelujah !

Please if you do get a nudge to share your story, do write it down and send it to itestifytoyou@gmail.com. As you read and is blessed or encouraged by these testimonies, share it with friends and family. Remember 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

"3Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God."

Cheers.

God is good

I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth.

My life makes its boast in the Lord; let the humble and afflicted hear and be glad.

O magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt His name together.

I sought (inquired of) the Lord and required Him (of necessity and on the authority of His Word), and He heard me, and delivered me from all my fears.

O taste and see that the Lord (our God) is good! Blessed (happy, fortunate, to be envied) is the man who trusts and takes refuge in Him.

                                                                    Psalms 34:1-3, 8 AMP

The book of Psalms is one of my favorites to read in the bible. Why? It’s filled with  beautiful eloquent expressions of praise and prayer to God Almighty and great words of advice and wisdom. Reading the book of Psalms offers comfort to my soul each time am passing through problems or challenges. The first part of verse 8 says “O taste and see that the Lord is good”. Indeed , I have experienced the goodness of God in various way over the years and one of such happened recently in January .

JEHOVAH RAPHA

Several years ago when I was around 8years old, an incident happened during the school break period. On that day, I was on the school playing field with some of my friends running and having fun.  After playing for a while, we went our separate ways, some to get a drink and others for more fun activities.

There was a swing set nearby with kids taking turns pushing each other,  also a long concrete cylindrical pipe used in building culverts. The  pipe had been on the playground for a long time and students sit on it to talk and play. I decided to take a rest by sitting on the concrete pipe and proceeded to daydream away. Unknown to me, two of my friends were back from their water break and  decided to surprise me by pushing the pipe. They with other mischievous kids around pushed the pipe, it moved and in the suddenness of movement, I pitched forward, fell and my left foot became trapped under the pipe.

When the students saw what happened, most ran off to hide, while a few ran to call the attention of adults around. The pipe was eventually moved off my foot and  I was carried to the principal’s office, who then called my parents. When we got to the hospital, my foot was put in cast due to some broken bones.  After several weeks recuperating at home, I returned to school a different person who could no longer be as physically active like before and in my childishness cut off friendship with those responsible. The injury left a mark as a little bone protruded out from the inner lower side of my foot close to the ankle.

As  years went by,  efforts to be active especially in sports was curtailed due to the injury, each time I either run or jump, a popping sound emanates from my ankle and end up in pain.  Sometimes taking a wrong step or slipping also brings about pain around my ankle and I would start to limp which can last for several days.  On the 15th of January this year,  I was about stepping out for a short walk and stooped down to pick up  keys that fell from my hand. As I did so,  pain started in and around my ankle and I had to cancel the planned walk. The pain lasted through the rest of the day, therefore could not  put my whole weight on it when walking.

There had been a week of prayer and fasting at the Church which was ending that night, the focus of prayers on that day  was for those that need healing. During the prayers, I felt led to ask for prayers for my ankle and was prayed for by the pastor, who also shared a bible passage with me. He read from the book of Psalms 18:36 NIV “You provide a broad path for my feet, so that my ankles do not give way.” Holding on to the promise of God in that passage, I started to walk up and down the hallways putting my weight equally on my feet and noticed that the level of pain had reduced.

The next day being Saturday was a busy one for me and I did not remember my foot or ankle that was paining me till after lunch. God perfected my healing while I slept, all praise, glory and honor to God Almighty who answered my prayers and showered me with grace and mercy.

"I am the LORD, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me?”

Jeremiah 33:27 NIV

There are many instances of healing through the scriptures by God, His Prophets, Jesus and the Apostles.  I have heard of several testimonies of healing in our present age and time. Healing does not have to be physical, it can be spiritual, emotional or material. We may have been praying for healing for decades or years and are yet to receive it, I will encourage us not to stop praying, believing and hoping for it. God is the same yesterday, today and forever. Christ’s  death on the cross of Calvary accomplished our healing and one day that healing will be brought to fulfillment in our lives. So let’s reach out in faith and begin to declare our healing.  

Continue reading for a second testimony below: